Autism and Navigating the Unpredictable World of People

The constant worry

The fear of saying the wrong thing or misunderstanding someone is an experience that can happen anywhere—from university to professional and social settings. This feeling can erode your confidence and lead to replaying conversations in your head, creating a false narrative that only makes you feel worse. You may find yourself wondering: "Is it something I said? Is it something I did or didn't do? Do people just not like me?"

It’s not always about you

While autism can make reading social cues a unique challenge, it's crucial to remember that not every communication breakdown is your fault. Sometimes, people are just inconsistent or unpredictable, and their behaviour has nothing to do with you or how you're interpreting things.

It is of course truly confusing and even hurtful when someone's behaviour shifts without warning. One day you're having a friendly chat, only to find the next day they've completely withdrawn or are ignoring your messages. This can trigger an immediate spiral into self-blame, but it's important to hit pause on that thought. Their actions are often a reflection of what's going on with them, not you. It could be stress, a change in their mood, or simply their personal communication style. Recognising this can free you from a lot of unnecessary worry and anxiety. 

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that you did something wrong, consider that the other person might be dealing with something completely unrelated to your interaction. This isn't about avoiding self-reflection or ignoring valid feedback; it's about learning to release the burden of a worry that isn't yours to carry.

The playground Mentality

The inconsistent behaviour you encounter can feel like the social dynamics of the playground have followed you into adulthood. Just like in school, some people will engage with you, then pull away when they find a new connection, or they may even act unpleasantly. This isn't a reflection of your worth; it's a reflection of their own social style or poor behaviour. We expect adults to behave with a certain level of maturity, but we must remember that people have their own insecurities, and we are often only disappointed because of our own standards, values, and expectations.

Building healthier boundaries

By accepting that some people can be inconsistent, you can build healthier emotional boundaries. This allows you to stop carrying the weight of someone else's unpredictable behaviour and focus on making meaningful connections with people who value genuine connection and are a positive presence in your life.